Realising I Let Myself Fall Into Depression

It’s easier to see CHANGE in others than in ourselves.

This year a lot happened and I wasn’t self-aware enough to course-correct the darkness I felt. OR perhaps it’s more honest to say that I let myself lean into it due to a bit of depression.

Since January, I experienced an interesting string of events – back-to-back – that changed my normally optimistic view to one of anger. In January there was the landlord who threatened to evict me if I didn’t pay for essential repairs after just moving in (electricity, plumbing, clearing out pigeons from a utility shed!). In February, the project I invested my savings into was blocked. Then in July & August being threatened and attacked online & constant hack attempts following the exposé I wrote. Lastly, the new client in August who illegally paid me $2.56 an hour after I worked almost 60 hours for them!

On top of that haze of anger, I have also been carrying the feeling that I’m not a good person and not worthy of love or friendship since 2022. The family member I love most in this world ghosted me in January 2022 and that has had a huge impact. If they think I’m so awful they won’t even share what I’ve done, I must be, was how I viewed it 😢 But it’s the other way around I have grown to understand thankfully. That’s helped a lot.

Then, about a month ago, a friend of mine in the UK shared concern over my haze of ever-negative posts on social media. She said, “I feel like you need a wee break from all of it” and she wasn’t wrong. I looked over my drafts folder of “started articles & posts” and EVERY SINGLE ONE is negative. About something sad or that angered me or simply a generally negative topic. Not one happy / fluffy / life-is-a-gem post amongst the batch.

That’s not me. So…I’m done letting it be me.

Yesterday was my birthday and I decided that I would not start this year off on anything but positivity. It’s time to put some love and joy back into ME and back into my favourite hobbies (writing & vlogging).

And this is the first positive post about my life that I haven’t had to FORCE MYSELF to write in many months ♥️