In Pain: Ghosted by Person I Love Most in the World

I had a daughter. I was never a traditional “tv mom” I’m sure, but she was my greatest gift & I love her with my whole heart (yes, love not loved … will explain).

When she was one year old, I divorced her father because he was a bully, abusive, and unkind. He never paid child support over the next 17 years, never helped pay for her education, and would demoralise us and make us feel small over the decades.

I don’t know why but after a holiday in Florida in December 2021 — when I flew in from Pakistan & she from Belgium to visit my Mom — she ghosted me. At first, I thought she was in pain or suffering and that’s why she wasn’t replying back to me. As time went on, I realised it was ME she was ignoring.

It crippled me. The 1st couple years, I drank myself to sleep every night & did little beyond mandatory client work. My relationship with Mom suffered and almost broke, too. She loves her 1st grandchild! My daughter told Mom not to share details about her life, so when I’d ask “how is she?” it became a drama. It devastated me that my own mother wouldn’t tell me how my angel was doing and that she took her side 🙁

It’s 4.5 years later. I do not know why I am ghosted. I struggle with the fact that my daughter is strategically punishing me in this way. It is 100% NOT how I raised her. However, it is 100% how her father was. But not us. We talked. We made big decisions (like which country to move to next) together. We weren’t cruel like my ex.

Less than 10 people on this planet knew about the ghosting until now. I felt SHAME & like a piece a sh*t, unworthy and unloved. But I have to let this go.

The ghosting is intentional, so I must have done something awful. I just wish I knew WHAT so I could make things right. I miss her. Every day, with my whole heart.

FINAL THOUGHTS

I saw a therapist for 2 years who taught me tools to compartmentalise emotions & that changed my life. But the loss still hangs over me like a raincloud.

For me, writing is cathartic & I haven’t been myself in years. Writing helps me move on & I have to let this go. So my hope is this unburdens me until I learn the horrible thing I did to warrant this.